At Least His Mouth Is Clean …


Alcohol WipesThe nurse while doing her rounds on the patient who had been admitted so that he could detox from his alcohol binges. His mouth appeared full.
“What are you chewing on?”
“Nothing” said the patient, his voice slightly muffled from the wad of gum in his mouth.
“There’s something in your mouth, what is it?”
Then the nurse went to give the patient some medication into his IV line and noted that there weren’t any alcohol packets in the drawer. She walked out of the room to get some more and saw that the garbage can in the room was full of alcohol packet wrappers.
“Let’s see that ‘gum.'”
The patient tried to spit the gum into his hand, but pieces of it flopped onto the bed. Kind of whitish in color, a cloth consistency, bunch of neat little square pieces.
Mmmmmm. Tasty.
Just what we need – Smirnoff-flavored “gum.”
Only problem is that they make vodka out of ethanol, not rubbing alcohol.
Guess that would explain the nausea and headaches.


  1. Ewww to both things! (Alcohol wipes/sanitizer)

    WC – I called poison control on myself a few weeks ago because I was worried about *inhaling* strong rubbing alcohol fumes. It was a lot and could actually taste it, looked at the bottle and read precautions. Obviously ..I really didn’t have to call but warning cautioned against fumes. They did send a nice poison control packet though. 🙂

    How could he stand it?! That also took a lot of effort to open all those small packets. 🙂

  2. Hey, careful about these posts. Joint Commission will get the idea to lock it all up. You will need a badge and an 8 digit pin to get a squirt of hand sanitzer or alcohol pad

  3. Reminds me of a chain e-mail I got a few days ago.

    A mother calls the poison help line saying her son ate a bunch of ants and asking if she should take him to the hospital. She is told not to bother, to just give him some benidryl.

    “I already gave him some ant-killer.”

  4. We have a notorious drunk who comes in shaking and swearing every so often. As soon as we hear his garbled voice from triage, we initiate code 107 (it was his highest serum EtOH level with us) and hide all the hand sanitizers we can find.

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