Get Out the Leathers!


leatherpolyrestraintsA call for medical aid came over the scanner. When it’s busy, those ambulance tones on the radio are worse than lying in bed on your day off and hearing the alarm clock buzzing in your ear.

This ambulance call was for an “out of control” 9 year old who was hitting his siblings and swearing. Hoping that it wasn’t this kid.

But it gets better.

According to the ambulance report, the social worker had been at the child’s house earlier, but had to leave to evaluate an “out of control” two and a half year old who was soiling his diapers and stomping through the house.

A toddler crapping his pants and stomping his feet needs acute psychiatric intervention?!?!?

I’m not creative enough to make this stuff up.

We were waiting for the ambulance calls for the eight year old whose teeth were falling out, for the 35 year old that was developing male pattern baldness, and for the 80 year old whose bones were getting brittle, but those medical problems were apparently addressed by other crisis counselors before they became emergent.

Picture credit here


  1. Occasionally one has to wonder, which is more difficult to deal with–the child (patient) or the patient’s parent(s0?

  2. OMG. The parents need psych help…not the kids. Too many of the parents I see around the town where I live are completely incapable of handling their kids. They argue, cajole, then give in to the demands of their little goblins just to keep others from looking in their direction. What the kids really need is parents with backbone enough to take the kids out to the car and provide natural consequences to natural disobedience. 😉

    In one very memorable Christmas season a couple of years ago I was in the checkout line at a local department store. Behind me was a young woman with two carts loaded with giant and expensive toys. She engaged me in conversation about Christmas shopping woes, and her final comment to me was “well, whattya gonna do…you gotta make sure they’re (the kids) HAPPY!”

    The constant battle to give HAPPINESS to kids is making them psycho.

  3. I’m doing my Pedi-EM rotation this month for my residency, and I’ve gotta tell you, I’ve never seen so many 4 year olds on Risperdal….it’s utterly depressing.

  4. The Butter Biscuit is fifteen months old, soiling her diapers regularly, doing the tyrannosaur stomp and screeching for the sheer joy of making a damn racket.

    It would never occur to me that she needed to be medicated for exhibiting normal toddler behavior.

    I swear to fucking God/Shiva/Allah, I’d like to slap the living dogshit out of the parents, and then curbstomp the docs who prescribe the stuff.

  5. Wow… you can call an ambulance for that? What exactly do the EMTs do?

    “Dear Sir or Madam, your cure is to stop being a useless parent. That’ll be $200. Cash.”

  6. Thank heavens the legions do-gooders have been unfurled and unleashed on the public to save us from ourselves. Like most of the male population under 20, these two maladapted males need serious drugs until they are as happy as Barney the Dinosaur or sit in the classroom chairs and drool. Thanks to modern psychiatric intervention and newer, advanced medication, we can stop the boys from exhibiting the signs and symptoms of being, well, a boy. Titrate the dose until the therapeutic endpoint… the little boys have to sit to pee. If they stand, call EMS for admission for medication adjustment.

  7. I’m new to your blog – and lovin’ it! I worked in adult critical care for 10 years, and now I’m working in an ER. I don’t know why I’m still shocked at what people consider an emergency – but I am. Thanks for your blog – sometimes you just need somewhere to vent and know that others totally get it!

  8. If I acted like then when I was 9 I’d still be walking with a limp.

    My (short) Mom used to say, as I was getting taller then her in my early teens.
    “I don’t care if I have to get on a ladder! I’ll still beat the crap out of you!”

    (For the record my Mom never “Beat” me, i.e. bruise/injure/broke skin, her favorite implement was a fly swatter, it stung. Alot.)

  9. sonya lazarevic md on

    i feel your pain, cause i get called by the Peds ED to eval these pts. recently the previous shift admitted a kid with a remote h/o conduct d/o a current CC that he was having trouble sleeping…. parents were fine to take him home and said his behavior was good lately…. the fellow & child clinic wanted an admission. So what was the tx? benadrly 50 and the 72 hr observation bed. go figure.

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