I was having difficulty with a back pain patient who was being rather antisocial. He wouldn’t answer my questions about his history. He flopped forward on the bed and wouldn’t let me examine him. He couldn’t sit up because he was in too much pain. Then his next door neighbor adds to the problems.
“You know damn well that this is a kidney stone. My father had a kidney stone and acted the same way.”
“That’s one possibility, but with no blood in his urine and with a history of multiple visits for the same back pain in the past, kidney stones aren’t at the top of my list.”
“Yeah, well my dad didn’t have blood in his urine when he had his kidney stone, either.”
It must be me. Then I had a Tosh.0 flashback in my brain.
Thanks for sharing, ma’am. And by the way, my mom used to bake with her own breast milk. And once she dropped a piece of potato in my glass of milk at dinner time and didn’t say anything about it. When I got to the bottom of the glass and saw the potato sitting there, I almost puked up all the milk I drank. So we probably shouldn’t trust milk glasses, either.
Meanwhile, the patient was still flopped forward on the bed. He began moaning loudly, then sat up ans said,
“What the hell is the matter with you? Get me some pain medication, bitch!”
Oh. This is getting better by the minute. Pain too bad to give me a history, but have enough intestinal fortitude left over to call me a bitch? You really must be in pain. Well, in that case, I’ll just go out and have the nurse get you something right now.
And with that, the “bitch” left the room and ordered some Toradol.
Twenty minutes later, both the patient and the neighbor were trolling the hallway looking for someone in “authoriteh” to whom they could complain.
“That doctor was rude.”
“Yeah. I’ve been to 23 hospitals in the past 5 months and he is by far the rudest motherf***er I’ve ever met.”
23 hospitals in 5 months.
That’s a lot of kidney stones.
This and all posts about patients may be fictional, may be my experiences, may be submitted by readers for publication here, or may be any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. If you would like to have a patient story published on WhiteCoat’s Call Room, please e-mail me.