The Things You Learn Taking A Temperature


One of the aides was taking a little old lady’s temperature. She was a little demented (the little old lady, not the aide) , so she wasn’t able to keep the thermometer in her mouth. The aide therefore had to take a rectal temperature.

When the aide put the thermometer in the patient’s bottom, the patient slapped her hand away.

The aide tried it again, and the patient turned over and slapped her hand harder.

On the third attempt, the patient yelled

No, Harold. I told you. No more of that dirty lovin’.”

It is amazing how quickly the attention turned from the degree of the patient’s temperature to the theoretical size of Harold’s woo-hoo.


  1. That is hysterical… OMG! Poor Harold! Hope he didn’t come to visit her because he would’ve wondered why all the staff were giving him “the” look!

    Thanks for the laugh!

  2. That used to happen a lot when I worked in an endoscopy suite.

    Versed, morphine, the scope and a loopy patient = hilarity.

  3. Here’s a joke you’ve probably have heard; I first heard it in nursing school:

    What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

    The taste….

  4. Disciple of "Bob" on

    It seems to me that here in 2008, science could come up with some way to figure out a person’s temp without having to jam something up their butt.

    You medicos are a weird lot. Never seem to miss an opportunity to go spelunking back there, do you? I’m eyeing you suspiciously.

  5. Very funny! 🙂

    O.k. …Pink has just validated my concerns with being too breezy with my thoughts while under the influence of drugs in the OR or now for gastro procedures too.

    I am willing to be intubated just so I don’t breezily say what I am thinking….ESPECIALLY if you work in that hospital. YIKES!

    I mean …if the doc is easy on the eyes…does the patient say that?? Or if someone looked funny or whatever? Do patients divulge secrets? What if you tell yourself you will not say x,y, and z…will you then do exactly that?

    HIPPA-SCHMIPPA…there are no secrets in hospitals. 🙂

    God knows I can be loopy without benefit of drugs…with drugs…loopy, breezy…sigh.

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