My latest idea for this challenge got put on hold after a comment made by a little old lady not too long ago.
She told the nurse that she was taking “peanut butter” to help stop her seizures.
“Peanut butter ?!?!?”
“Yeah, my doctor prescribes me these little peanut butter balls to take three times a day.”
“You mean these little pills?”
“I see. Phenobarbital. Ahhhh. That makes more sense.”
I’ve heard a lot of malapropisms over the years. ERP posted several good ones last year on his blog at ER Stories.
Patients with “fireballs on the eucharist” who really have a “fibroid uterus”
One patient who almost died from the “smile of mighty Jesus” who got better after treatment for “spinal meningitis”
All those patients with “sick as hell anemia” whose “sickle cells” get better once the pain medicine kicks in.
“Seahorses in the liver” after patients have been drinking too long and develop “cirrhosis.”
The old lady who chastised me because I wanted to make a police report when she said that “Arthur” had been beating her up. I thought Arthur was her husband. Her response: “‘No, Arthur-itis,’ you dummy.”
So give me the best ones you have heard – from patients, friends, family members.
Three best responses as chosen by EP Monthly editors will get their choice of any of the products at EP Monthly’s Online Store.
Challenge winners announced Monday, May 18.
UPDATE MAY 20, 2009: WINNERS
First, thanks to everyone for their submissions. The goal of this challenge was to show people how medicine can be fun and it paid off. These were all great.
1. Ryan for the story about the patient with black testicles
19. HyperAI for his “athlete’s foot of the vagina” remark
23. Michael Garrett for the “high anal hernia”
Honorable mentions get a free EP Monthly coffee cup and are
27. Kathy for the Hurricane Katrina comments (especially the “very close veins”) and
33. Roxanne for the chief complaint of “can’t breed”
Please drop an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange to get your prizes.
Thanks again to everyone for playing along.