A patient wanted me to drain a sebaceous cyst that was causing pain on his back. I told him that it would be better if it was removed intact by a surgeon, but he didn’t want to wait to have it done. OK, no problem.
I got out a needle to anesthetize the area, the patient took one look at the needle, and he nearly DFOed on the floor. Got all sweaty and nearly puked. We had him lie back on the table, but he couldn’t lay flat on his back because the cyst was hurting. So he laid on his side – facing the nurse.
I told him that I was going to start numbing up the area. Then I looked at the nurse whom he was facing toward, gave her a smile and a wink, and mouth the words “Now he can puke on YOU!” I made the universal puking hand gesture while sticking my tongue out just to emphasize my point.
The nurse curled up her lip at me and moved down toward the foot of the bed a little further.
I leaned over and cleansed the surface of the cyst, started to inject some of the lidocaine and then that old lady karma smacked me in the head.
As I was injecting, the extra fluid apparently increased the pressure inside of the cyst. The point of the cyst popped open and spit lidocaine and cyst fluid all over my face.
Got sebum in both eyes, up my nose, in my hair.
You can’t imagine what sebaceous cyst fluid smells like until you get some of it stuck to your nasal hairs. Like someone cracked an egg in an old tennis shoe and let it sit in the heat for a couple of days.
I sat over the sink flushing my eyes with water. I even squirted saline up my nose to get rid of the smell. Didn’t work. Sucked on mint Life Savers and all I could smell all day was peppermint Nikes. I didn’t even try to eat lunch.
When I walked out of the dirty utility room, the nurse was just standing there with a smirk on her face.
Laugh it up, sister.
Just remember that Karma Avenue is a two-way street.